The FunFilled Adventures of the Sand Siblings
by United Unicorn Society
Summary: Temari decides that she and her brothers need more 'family time', so she drags Kankuro and Gaara with her to stupid places to have some fun. Chaos inevitably ensues.
1. The Sand Sibling Go to the Super Market

"This is stupid, Temari." Kankuro said as the three siblings walked through the aisles of the local Sand-Mart.

"Look! Mommy, mommy!' shouted a young girl, pointing at Kankuro. "It's a fat man!"

"No, honey. That's not a fat man, that's a fat boy." Her mother replied, looking at Kankurou.

Kankurou narrowed his eyes. "I hate this place." He grumbled, as Temari laughed at him.

"Oh, come on Temari! I have important things to do." Kankuro whined.

"Playing Malibu Barbie Beach Party on your Xbox 360 does not count as important things to do." Temari snapped.

"Can we go yet?" asked a rather annoyed Gaara, glaring at his bickering siblings.

"But we just got here!" yelled Temari.

"Ughhh!" groaned Kankurou, whacking his head on a cereal box shelf.

"Gaara, can you get the milk?" Temari asked after consulting her extremely long list.

"Um…no?" he replied, lifting his non-existent eyebrow.

"Oh you guys are no use. I always go shopping for tubby and psycho here." She muttered under her breath.

"Hey! I'm not fat!" said Kankuro, shoving chocolate bars in his mouth.

"KANKURO!" Temari screeched. "You have to pay for those!"

"Huh? Whys that?" he asked, while unwrapping a Snickers bar. He was about to start eating it when Temari grabbed it out of his hands.

"Give me that!" Temari yelled.

"Hey! I was eating that!" Kankuro whined.

Meanwhile, Gaara had wandered over to the medicine aisle, and was examining the assortment of drugs.

"Hm…aspirin." Read Gaara, as he picked up the tiny bottle, "Relieves pain!" he said happily after looking at the back. He shoved the bottle he was holding down his gourd, and looked around. Then he grabbed another bottle.

'What's this? Birth control? I'll have to ask Temari about it.' He decided.

When he showed up, Temari had gotten a few things.

"Hey Temari, what's this for?" he asked, shoving the bottle in her face. She read the label and sighed.

"Gaara put it back." She told her psychopathic brother.

"Why? Does it kill people?" he asked happily, taking the bottle and examining it further.

"No! Just put it back!" she said with more force.

"Fine." He said. After he had gotten away from Temari, he stuffed the bottle down his gourd, and giggled for a few minutes. He then regained his composure and walked back toward the drugs.

During this, Kankuro was in the candy aisle.

"Wow! Look at all the candy!" he squealed with delight. After grabbing one of every package, he skipped away in search of his sister.

"Hey Temari, I've got stuff." He said happily, and dumped all the candy in their cart.

"Kankuro, what the hell is all of this?" She asked with venom dripping from her words.

"It's candy!" he replied, oblivious to her anger.

"We DON'T need candy!" she shouted at her brother. "We need cheese wheels!"

Just then, Gaara showed up carrying a wide assortment of drugs in his arms.

"What are cheese wheels?" he asked his younger brother.

Gaara just rolled his eyes and dropped all the drugs in the cart. "What is all of this?" his sister asked him.

"They say they are really soothing." Gaara said nodding toward the drugs.

"What is this? Benedryl, Motrin, aspirin? Do we really need all of this?"

Gaara nodded. "All of them."

"That's it! Both of you go home! NOW!" she yelled.

"No! It's fun here!" replied Gaara. "Come on fatty; let's go to the ice cream aisle." Gaara said to his brother.

"Yay!" replied Kankuro, ignoring the stab Gaara had made at his weight.

"No! Come back here!" yelled Temari.

Gaara and Kankuro arrived at the ice cream aisle after getting lost three times. Kankurou was happily skipping through the aisle, and Gaara was looking at the ice cream.

"What the hell? Who would want to eat artificial strawberry flavored ice cream?" he asked Kankurou, who was eating his second tub of chocolate ice cream. His brother shrugged and resumed eating.

"The dehydrated strawberries do look a bit like blood clots, though. Maybe we do need strawberry ice cream." He said to himself. Kankuro started choking at that comment.

"Thanks sicko! Now I'll never be able to eat strawberries again."

Gaara shrugged, obviously not caring, and grabbed three tubs of the ice cream. Kankurou grabbed five tubs of chocolate ice cream. Then they both left to find Temari.

During the ice cream adventure, Temari was trying to get her shopping done. She was currently looking at the toothpaste.

"Hmmm…should I get Bob the Builder toothpaste or Blues Clues toothpaste for Gaara?" she asked herself, examining both kinds carefully. She finally decided on Bob the Builder.

Gaara and Kankuro showed up as Temari placed the toothpaste in the cart.

"Hey, Temari! Look what we got!" Kankuro shouted in her ear.

"What the hell! We don't need all this crap!" she screeched.

Gaara and Kankuro ignored her and dumped all the ice cream in the cart. Temari pulled her four ponytails in frustration.

"Heehee! You look like Gaara when you do that." Kankuro said, giggling.

Both of his siblings glared at him, though he didn't notice.

Temari consulted her list again. "Okay guys. All we have left to get is cereal and tampons. I'll handle the cereal, and you can get the tampons." She said as she walked away, smirking slightly.

"Gaara…what are tampons?" Kankuro asked his brother.

Gaara shrugged. "How the hell am I supposed to know?"

They spotted a Sand-Mart employee and walked up to him. He had tons of acne and was wearing a Star Trek shirt.

"Um...excuse me-" Kankuro started, but Gaara cut him off.

"Tell us what tampons are or die bitch."

"Heehee! Tampons!" the extremely geeky employee said, giggling and snorting.

"Yes, tell me what they are…NOW!" Gaara shouted, starting to get angry.

"Well, do you know about the birds and the bees?" the employee asked, giggling slightly.

The brothers both shook their heads.

"Heehee! I've never gotten to be a mentor before!"

After much whispering and blushing, the employee managed to explain to Kankuro and Gaara about tampons and how they worked. Kankuro was extremely shocked, while Gaara looked the same as ever.

"Come on let's get the tampons." Gaara told his brother, and they walked to the 'feminine products' aisle.

Gaara examined every brand thoroughly. After about five minutes, Gaara decided on the brand, and Kankuro managed to get over the shock.

Kankuro grabbed the package from Gaara and skipped happily over to the check out area.

"Hey, Temari! I got those things that you stick in your va-"

He was cut off quickly by Temari slapping her hand over his mouth.

"Don't you dare say it, fatty!" she growled.

Gaara watched the argument and noted that the price for all the crap was close to one thousand dollars.

'Heehee! I can't wait until Temari sees the price!' he thought to himself.

"Um…excuse me miss…" the very frightened employee said.

Temari turned to her. "What is it?" she snapped.

"Um…well…your total comes to $1000.37…"

"WHAT?!? FATTY, I BLAME THIS ALL ON YOU! IF YOU DIDN'T EAT SO MUCH WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS PROBLEM!" Temari shouted, making the Sand-Mart shake.

All the people in the store covered their ears.

"Mommy! The fat boy got told!" the little girl said happily to her mother.


	2. The Sand Sibling Go to Chuck E Cheese

Thanks to Neko-Kikiru, suzako, Pupluvgurl, and Gexplosion for the reviews! You guys rock. I posted a longer chapter for you.

Chapter 2- The Sand Siblings Got to Chuck E. Cheese

"Temari, where the hell are we?" Gaara asked.

Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro were inside the place called Chuck E. Cheese, and small children were running around with pizza sauces on their faces.

"We're at Chuck E. Cheese," said Temari, buying tokens.

Kankuro looked around. "Wow! This place is awesome!"

Gaara narrowed his eyes at his idiotic brother. "You think our dish washer is awesome." he muttered.

"Well it is!" Kankuro replied indignantly.

"Shut up you two, we're here to have fun and bond as a loving family."

"Yeehaw!" Gaara said sarcastically.

"Gaara, you're no fun." Kankuro whined.

Gaara raised the spots where his eyebrows might be. "Well, duh!"

"Okay, here's thirty tokens each guys." said Temari, giving them tokens. "I'll get you when the pizza comes."

"Yay!" squealed Kankuro, shooting off to the ski ball area.

Temari went over to the virtual games, and Gaara made his way to a game that read "Kill All Zombies".

"Hmmm…this sounds fun." he said to himself, and put a token in the slot. He grabbed the gun and the game started. It took him five minutes to figure out how it worked, and he was dead before he got started. "LOSER, LOSER" the screen read.

"Oh yeah?" he growled. No matter how hard he tried, he always lost. He went through fifteen tokens, when he finally gave up and broke the game with his sand. He giggled as he stuffed a ton of tickets in his gourd. Temari cam over to him.

"Hey, Gaara. Pizza's here." She told him.

"Oh, okay."

Temari lead him into a room with a three stages in the front. He and Temari slid into a booth with Kankuro. A flat looking pizza lay before them. Gaara poked it.

"It feels like rubber." He commented dryly.

"Tastes like rubber too!" Kankuro said, biting into a slice.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad!" Temari said.

Suddenly, loud, ominous music filled the room.

"Temari, what's going on?" Gaara asked.

Temari just shrugged, as the curtains to the stage opened revealing robots disguised as ugly Chuck E. Cheese characters singing to "Mama Mia."

Kankuro started choking on his pizza, Gaara shoved his hands over his ears, and Temari fell out of their booth. Finally, it stopped and the robots began talking about 'world fitness' or some other crap like that. Then the horrid music started again, and tvs around the room showed ugly midgets in pastels hula hoping, while a retarted looking dog in a cowboy suit sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."

"Gaara! Make it stop!" Kankuro whined. "Wait, I have an idea!"

Kankuro shoved two slices of disgusting mushroom peanut pizza over his ears.

"Much better!" he said happily, sauce dripping down his face.

"Idiot!" Temari screeched, whacking him repeatedly on the head.

"That's it! Those characters are DEAD!" said Gaara as he stood up. He got about to the middle of the room, when a giant person In a mouse suit grabbed his shoulder.

'Hold on there, Cool Chuck Kid!" it said.

"Get the hell off me!" Gaara growled to him.

"now, now! Watch the language, Cool Chuck Kid!"

"God, stop calling me that! I'm not a freaking up-chuck Kid."

"Cool Chuck! Not up-chuck!" it screamed, inches from Gaara's face.

"CHUCKIE!" many small children and Kankuro screamed.

"Who the hell is Chuckie?" Gaara asked, looking around.

"I'M CHUCKIE!" Chuckie screamed, inches from Gaara's face.

"Shut the hell up!" Gaara growled, shoving Chuckie onto a booth. Chuckie fell off the booth and onto an unsuspecting kid.

"Oops! Sorry Cool Chuck Kid!" Chuckie said, getting up.

"It's okay, Chuckie!" it said, running off.

Chuckie turned to Gaara. "Okay Mr. Grouchy Pants! I think you need a hug!"

"Hug me and your blood will run onto your stupid fans." Gaar threatened.

"I don't know what that means, but I think it's a yes!" Chuckie yelled happily.

Before he could touch him, Gaara kicked Chuckie between the legs and punched him in the head. Then the sand came out of the gourd.

"NO! Don't kill Chuckie!" Kankuro shouted. Too Late. Chuckie had just been suffocated by Gaara's sand. Then Gaara turned and destroyed all the robots, killing a kid or two in the process.

"Finally!" Gaara said, and walked off. Temari and Kankuro both shrugged and followed him back into the game room.

With Kankuro

Kankuro stood in front of the "Mega Hoops" game.

"Pfft! I could beat this easy." he said, putting a token in.

Basketballs came shooting down. Kankuro grabbed one and took aim. It bounced off the rim and hit him in the face.

"Owie!" he yelled, growling at the game.

He grabbed another ball and took aim again. It bounced off the rim again, but this time Kankuro was ready. He ducked, but the ball hit an unfortunate ticket taker and bounced back to hit Kankuro in the head.

With Temari

Temari looked around the crowded children's fantasy land. There was nothing to do. She ran into a small box. On the side it read "Virtual Roller Coaster." Temari shrugged and climbed in. Unfortunately, there was also a sign that read "Ages 10 and under only." Now she was stuck. Her four ponytails took up most of the space and her fan held her in place.

"Damnit!" she said, trying to move her head or any part of her body.

The screen came inside came on and the box started spasmodically moving from side to side.

"What the hell is going on!?" she screeched, trying to get out. She finally managed to stick her leg out, kicking a small boy in the face.

"Oops! Sorry!" she yelled over the Barney music that had just come on.

"I want to get out of here!" she wailed.

Back to Kankuro

Kankuro walked around, looking for something to do. He had two black eyes from the stupid Mega Hoops game. Then he saw it…the huge playground at the back of the building.

"Yipee!" he shouted happily, crawling up one of the slides. When he was about halfway up, Gaara came sliding down.

"Get out of my way or die, Kankuro!" he shouted flying down. Too bad Kankuro couldn't move. His fat body had gotten him stuck in the middle of the slide. Gaara ran into him, but it wasn't enough. Now they were both stuck.

"Thanks Kankuro. I blame this all on you." Gaara growled.

"But…but…what did I do?"

"You had nine slices of pizza!"

Kankuro laughed nervously as sand slithered out of the gourd….along with the 3,300 tickets Gaara had stolen. The tickets rushed out of the slide and onto the ground.

"Yay! Tickets!" many children shouted as they stampeded over to the slide the brothers were in.

"No! Help me Gaara!" Kankuro yelled.

Twenty kids came sliding down. The force of the kids knocked Kankuro and Gaara out of the slide. A little girl ran up to Kankuro.

"Hey! You're the fat boy from Sand-Mart!" she shouted gleefully.

'Oh…shit!' he thought.

The girl grabbed his cat hat and stuffed it on her head. She then proceeded to jump up and down on him while chanting, "Kitty! Kitty!" The other kids stole all of Gaara's tickets and kicked him.

Meanwhile

Temari still hadn't gotten out of the stupid virtual game. Some fat boy came over with a sharp stick and started poking her.

"What the hell! Get off!" she screeched, kicking him in the head.

"OWIE!" he screamed. "MOMMY! MOMMY!"

Not even five seconds later the mother showed up. She weighed about five hundred pounds and was wearing a leopard print skirt and a pink sports bra.

"You hurt my adorable little son." She grunted, sitting on Temari.

"What the hell! Get your huge ass off me!" Temari shrieked, getting forced out of the virtual game. The mother finally went away, and Temari just laid there.

'Omg! I just got beat up by a five year old and his mother!' she thought as she got to her feet.

"Time to go home…now where is Kankuro and Gaara?" she asked herself.

10 Minutes Later

Temari finally found her brothers getting beat up by little kids.

"What the hell?" she asked, seeing Kankuro get his hair pulled out of his head.

"Temari! Save us!" a traumatized Kankuro shrieked.

The kids stopped momentarily, their eyes getting big when they saw Temari.

"Wow….Porcupine!" one girl said, pointing at Temari.

The kids attacking Gaara instantly stopped and started attacking Temari instead by pulling on her ponytails.

"Porcupine, Porcupine!" they chanted.

"GET OFF ME!" Temari shrieked, attempting to hit them with her fan. Gaara got to his feet and tried to save Temari when many adults showed up.

"Kids! Pizzas here!"

"YAY!"

The kids stampeded over the siblings and raced over to the pizza.

"That's it! We're going home!" Temari screeched, getting to her feet.

Kankuro was attempting to steal a Chuck E. Cheese disco ball.

"Oh?" Gaara asked sarcastically, wiping his bloody lip. "But we're having so much FUN!"


	3. The Sand Siblings Go to the Craft Store

I'm soooo sorry about the long wait! I have ballet six days a week, usually for 4 hours Monday through Thursday, and I go for 7 hours on Saturday and Sunday. And also, I wasn't able to transefer the documents from my computer for the past week or so. T.T Thanks again to my reviewers! gives the reviewers a hug

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, the show would be called Gaara, and every episode would feature him in some way.

Chapter 3- The Sand Sibling Go to the Craft Store

Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara entered the Sandy Crafts store. "Um…why are we here again?" asked a very confused Kankuro.

"Because it'll be fun!" Temari replied, examining a statue of a raccoon eating a bird alive.

Gaara's eyes searched the store. "It smells weird in here." he commented, walking over to the knitting section of the store. A large sign that said, "YARN! ON SALE! UNRAVEL YOUR OWN WORKS OF ART!!!!!" adorned the aisle.

"They want me to unravel things, huh?" he said to himself, picking up a ball of turquoise yarn. He ripped off the tag and started unrolling it all over the store. After he had unraveled 10 balls, a sickeningly preppy worker with huge eyebrows and an amazingly small head tapped him on the shoulder.

"Could you, like, pick that, like, yarn, like, up please?"

"No." he said simply, and continued to unravel yarn.

"Oh, hehe, okay then!" she said, prancing off.

Meanwhile

Kankuro wandered into the glue and glitter section of the store. He picked a magenta bottle of glue up. "FREAKIN' FAST GLUE! DRIES IN SECONDS!" the label read.

"Pffft! Yeah right…" he said, throwing it back onto the shelf. The force of the impact caused the glue to explode, and glue coated Kankuro. He slipped and fell onto the shelf, knocking the other items off it.

"Ughhh!" he growled. "Stupid glue." He tried to get up, but he was stuck. "Huh? What?" he tried to get up again, but it was official. He was glued to the shelf. "Help! Temari, Gaara! I'm glued to a shelf! Help me!"

With Temari

Temari walked around the pretty paper aisle. "Hmmm…what's up there?" she asked herself. Grabbing a stepladder, she climbed to the top of the shelves. At the top, were many boxes with the words, "Paper Weights" written on them.

"Ooh! Paper weights!" she said with delight. "I wonder what color they are?" She tried to open one of the boxes, but it fell, causing everything else in the aisle to fall, including Temari. Temari hit the ground first, followed by tons of construction paper and the boxes of paper weights. "ARRRGH!" she screamed in pain.

The peppy worker skipped into the aisle. "Oh, deary! Like, what a mess! Like, I know, like, exactly how to fix this!" she screeched, running into another aisle, and coming back with a bottle of glitter. Just as Temari poked her head out of the mess, the preppy worker threw a handful of glitter into her face.

"What the hell!?" Temari screeched, as glitter got into her eyes.

"Uh…oopsie!" the employee replied.

"Oopsie my ass!" Temari growled. The worker giggled.

Back to Gaara

Gaara had unraveled every single ball of yarn in the store. He thought he saw Kankuro making out with a shelf in one aisle, but he was too wrapped up in his evil deed to think much of it. "Now what?" he asked himself, wandering around until he found the artificial plant aisle. "Muahahahaha!" he laughed evilly, rubbing his hands together.

With Kankuro

Kankuro couldn't believe it. He was so close to getting free from the shelf when Gaara came. But Gaara was too busy unraveling a hot pink ball of yarn to notice his brother stuck to a shelf. Kankuro tried to get up again, but it was no use. His only hope was if Temari or someone else found him. He had to itch his nose, but he couldn't move. "Damnit!" he said.

Temari

The preppy worker froze. "You have a paper cut!" she said, poking Temari's most painful cut, the one between her eyes.

"What the hell! I have many paper cuts and DON'T TOUCH THEM!"

"Teehee! Sorry!" the worker said, throwing more glitter on her.

"Quit that!" Temari screeched, knocking the glitter out of her hand.

"I'm TRYING to make you pretty." Said the now annoyed employee.

"That's IT!" yelled Temari, pulling out her fan and killing the preppy girl. Gaara walked into the aisle.

"I thought I sensed someone getting killed. Good job, Temari!" he said enthusiastically.

"Where have you been?" Temari asked, trying to clot all of her paper cuts.

Flashback

_Gaara entered the plant aisle and pulled out a pink lighter from his gourd. He grabbed a plant and lit it on fire. The plastic began to melt and he threw the dripping plant onto an annoying Sandy Crafts employee that had no life whatsoever. She began to scream in pain as Gaara giggled insanely._

End Flashback

Gaara shrugged. "Just wreaking havoc. Wait! Is that…BLOOD?" He came closer. "The blood flows to the demon making me stronger as it mixes with the sand."

"Erm…okay?" she said, slightly freaked out. He was trying to lick her paper cuts now.

"Get off me freak!" she screeched, pushing him off her.

"Blood…blood…blood." he moaned, sucking on the cuts on her arms.

"GET OFF!" she yelled, whipping her fan out.

Suddenly, he spit out the blood. "Eew! Your blood tastes like Kankuro's." he said, wiping his tongue on her sleeve. "Hey, whose that?" he asked, looking at the dead employee. He didn't wait for an answer and filled his limited edition Pokemon cup with her blood. He started sipping it through a neon green bendy straw. "I just love annoying girl's blood!" he said happily.

Kankuro

Kankuro was still glued to the shelf when a six year old walked into the aisle. "Hey! Midget!" Kankuro said. The kid walked over.

"Can you get someone who can get me off this shelf?" Kankuro asked hopefully. The kid kicked him and stole his wallet.

"GIVE THAT BACK!" Kankuro shrieked as the kid giggled and skipped away. "ARRRRGH!" he yelled.

10 Minutes Later

Temari and Gaara walked out of the store. Gaara was still sipping blood and Temari was covered in band-aids.

5 Hours Later

Temari and Gaara sat at the kitchen table. Temari was eating a garden salad and Gaara was eating raw steak topped with blood dressing. "Hey, Gaara. Do you have the feeling we've forgotten something?" Temari asked he younger brother. Gaara thought for a moment.

Back at the Craft Store

"Hello? HELLO!?" Kankuro yelled. The lights turned off. "Gaara!? TEMARI!? I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" he sniffled. "I'M SOOOOO HUNGRY!"

At Their House

"Nope." Gaara said, continuing to eat. "It's just you."


	4. The Sand Siblings Go Picnicing

I got 20 reviews! I'm sooo happy! This is one is for my best friend Fiona, who writes these with me. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Sad, isn't it?

Chapter 4- The Sand Siblings Go Picnicing

Gaara's eyes narrowed. It was a beautiful sunny day out and he, Kankuro, and Temari were in the middle of a field having a picnic. Temari had dragged them along with her saying they didn't spend enough "family time" together. Pesonally, Gaara thought they spent too much time together. Wasn't living with them enough?

Kankuro shoved another hot dog in his make-up covered mouth. "Kankuro, that was your twelth hot dog, why don't you save some for the rest of the world?" Gaara snapped.

Kankuro sat for a moment, obviously thinking.

"That was a rhetorical question dumbass." Gaara snarled.

"Oh." Kankuro shrugged and grabbed yet another hot dog.

Temari sat there, staring at the huge glob of potatoe salad on her plate. Earlier that day, she and Gaara had gotten into an argument over the potatoe salad. Gaara told her that it was the grossest thing ever, and she defended her horrible concotion saying that it was delicious. Gaara turned out to be right, however. She had obviously messed it up.

Gaara picked up a piece of sourdough bread and bit into it. "Eew!" he threw the bread and it hit his sister in the forehead. "How come everything you cook makes me wanna throw up?" he growled.

"Gaara, I happen to cook very well! Kankuro loves my hot dogs!"

"Mmmhmmm!" Kankuro nodded, his mouth full of food.

Gaara narrowed his eyes even further. "He only likes your food is because he'll eat anything, no matter how disgusting it is."

Temari growled at her brother. "Your're just mad because you didn't want to come!"

"Well, duh." Gaara rolled his eyes.

Temari scowled at the potatoe salad as Gaara stood up. "I'm bored." he announced to his siblings.

Kankuro jumped up and stuffed more hot dogs into his catsuit. "I know!" he exclaimed. "Let's go butterfly hunting!"

Gaara looked at him. "Killing innocent creatures?" he thought for a moment. "Okay, it sounds like fun."

"YAY!" Kankuro shouted happily.

"You'er gonna have to stop that." Gaara growled.

"Sorry!"

After about three seconds, Gaara caught a butterfly that had many colors. "Teehee!" he giggled as he tore one of the wings off of the poor, helpless creaute.

Kankuro stopped. "What are you doing?"

"Tortutring butterflies." Gaara said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Gaara, Gaara, Gaara." Kankuro said, shaking his head. "You must have respect for all of God's creatures. "

Gaara proceeded to step on a butterfly mess and kill the remaining survivors. His brother tried to save the insects, but Gaara trapped him in a sand coffin and forced him to watch the execution of his precious bugs.

"Gaara!" Kankuro whined. "When I said hunting butterflies, I meant we would capture them and name them. Then we would set them free to spread songs of joy and love!"

Gaara's eye twitched. "LOVE!"

Kankuro laughed nervously as Gaara went into his morbid flashbacks.

'Yup. He's definitely insane.' the puppet master thought to himself.

"Are you done yet?" Kankruo asked after a minute.

"Damnit! Don't interrupt me when I'm having flashbacks."

"Fine!" Kankuro huffed.

"Whatever. I'm running out of memories." Gaara said, eturing to executing animals. "Heehee!" he giggled, staring at the many corpses lying around him.

Temari walked over to where they were. "Hey guys! It's time for some family games!"

Gaara instantly stopped laughing and glared at his sister. She then noticed Kankuro in the sand coffin.

"Gaara, let your brother go or I'll force feed you my omlettes." she said dangerously.

The sand ninja reluctantly called back his sand and put it back in his gourd.

"Yay! Thank you Temari!" Kankuro said, tears streaming down his face. He then humped on her and hugged her.

"What the hell?! Get off me!" she screeched, throwing him to the ground and hitting him with her fan.

"No one likes me." he whined, holding his now injured head.

"Yeah whatever. Just shut up so we can get this stupid picnic over with." Gaara said glaring.

"Okay! First we're going to play hide and seek!" Temari announced, clapping her hands and jumping up and down.

Gaara narrowed his eyes. "I'm not it!"

"Me neither!" Temari shouted.

Kankuro looked around. "I don't wanna be it!" he whined.

"Too bad!" Temari giggled. "Count to a million and come find us!" she ran off with Gaara.

"Wait! I can't count to a million!" shouted Kankuro. "Damnit! 1...2...4? Ahhh! I meesed up again!"

With Temari and Gaara

"Where should we hide?" Temari whispered to her brother.

"Uh...how about over there?" he said, pointing to a small cave.

"Sure!" They both walked into the cave.

"Wow! It's really dark in here, Gaara." Temari noted.

No reply.

"Gaara?"

"GAARA!?"

"God Temari! Just because I don't answer doesn't mean you have to burst my ear drum."

"Oh...sorry!" she giggled. "Do you hear something?"

"You mean besides your annoying screech?"

"It sounded like a growl!"

"Really?"

"Yeah..."

"I think it's getting closer." Temari whispered, jumping on top of Gaara.

"AHHHH!" screamed Gaara, holding onto his sister. "I'm too young to die!" he wailed.

"Yay! I found you!" said Kankuro's voice. He saw Temari and Gaara hugging. "Why don't I ever get a hug?" he whined.

"KANKURO! I told you to count to a million!" Temari shouted.

"Oh. I got to ten and skipped the rest."

Temari sighed. "Come on. Let's go back and get dessert."

"No! I'm not eating your nasuea inducing brownies." Gaara snarled.

"Fine. You can have my cupcakes then." Temari said.

"Yay! Cupcakes! Brownies!" Kankuro shouted happily.

"Why don't you ever shut up?" Gaara asked, elbowing him in the stoamche.

"Owie!"

10 Minutes Later

The siblings were back at their blanket. Kankuro was eating cupcakes and brownies with alarming speed as his brother stared at him in disgust.

"How many cupcakes do you need?" he asked.

Kankuro shrugged and continued eating.

Temari sighed. "Gaara, don't be mean to your brother. He's just hungry."

"Hungry my ass!" Gaara snapped.

Kankuro reamined oblivious to their argument. "Wow! These are sooooo good!"

"Fat and stupid." commented Gaara.

Temari whacked him.

"Ow!" Gaara growled, shoving the paper plate full of potatoe salad into his sister's face. "Muahahahaha!: he laughed manically as the salad slowly dripped off her face.

Kankuro stuck a finger in the salad on Temari's face and stucki it in his mouth.

"Yuck! It's even worse Temari flavored." Kankuro spit out the salad.

Temari's face turned red with anger.

"Your face is really red!" Kankuro noted, poking her face.

Temari lunged at Kankuro, whipping out her fan.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" scramed Kankuro rather girlishly as Temari started beating him with the fan.

"No more picnics! No more picnics!" Temari shouted, continuing her rage parade.

Gaara laughed and sipped a vat of butterfly blood.


	5. The Sand Siblings go to a Hardware Store

Chapter 5- The Sand Siblings Go to the Hardware Store

"Come on guys! We need nails!" shouted Temari as she dragged her brothers into the local Sand Depot.

Kankuro cringed. "I hate this place Temari! Its soooooo boring"

She rolled her eyes and approached the nearest employee. "Excuse me sir, where are your nails?"

He blinked. "Eh…it's either aisle 1, 2, 3, 4…."

_An hour later…_

"77, 78, 79, or 80." He finished.

The sand siblings stared. "Thanks for nothing!" Gaara growled, characteristically wrapping him in a sand coffin and killing him.

His sister sighed, heading off to investigate the contents of aisle 1, as Gaara and Kankuro stood in the middle of the store.

"Let's look at paint!!!!!" Kankuro shrieked, slapping Gaara with enthusiasm.

"I'm going to buy some power tools."

* * *

"Wow! Look at all the colors!" Kankuro shouted, observing the array of paint swatches to choose from.

"None of these colors are very artistic, un." A nearby blonde commented. The redhead with him sighed.

"Just choose a color for Sir Leader's cabinets, so we can go."

Kankruo looked over at them. 'When did Temari grow her hair out? She looks hot!' He thought.

"Hi Temari! Your hair looks realllllly good now that you outgrew those dumb ponytails!" Kankuro commented, hugging his supposed sister.

The blonde started to twitch. "Who the hell is this, Sasori Danna, un!?"

Sasori smirked. "Maybe Sir Leader will let him join Akatsuki."

"No way, un!" The blonde started to punch Kankuro, who was blissfully unaware of the blows landing on him. The puppet master was used to his brother and sister beating him.

* * *

Gaara stared at the collection of drills lying in front of him. "Hmmm… These would be really good torture devices."

He checked the price tags. "10,100 dollars for all of them?"

He spotted a nearby child playing with a screwdriver, and a brilliant plan hatched.

Gaara approached the unaware youth, a demented smirk etching his features. His sand slipped out of the gourd and wrapped around the child, encasing him in a cacoon of sand.

"AHH! HELP! MOMMY!!!" the child shouted.

"Shut up brat." Gaara muttered, making sure the sand covered the stupid kid's mouth.

Throwing the kid into a large cart, the redhead made his way to the front of the store, ignoring the horrified stares he was getting ffrom the other customers.

A slight boy with a ponytail resembling a pineapple was sitting at register 3 taking a nap. Gaara approached him. He blinked, waiting for the moron to notice his presence. After a long while, Gaara decided it was time to put his plan into action. He grabbed the earpiece he was wearing and presses the button so his voice would project over the whole store.

"Excuse me foolish sand depot customers. I am holding a boy hostage and will release him for the paltry sum of 10,000 dollars. You have five minutes. Have a nice day." Gaara's amplified voice was projected to all of the customers. Ensuing screams could be heard as the frightened customers searched their pockets for money.

* * *

Temari heard Gaara's announcement and sighed. He really needed to learn that normal people didn't do things like that. She turned to the shelves and frowned.

"I don't need any potted plants." She muttered. "Gaara's allergic to pollen."

"Allergic to pollen?" a deep voice spoke to her left.

She turned and saw a man that looked very much like a Venus fly trap. She blanched and sprinted the opposite direction, shrieking about the freaks that she was constantly plagued by.

The man looked sad. "Why do they always have that reaction?" a slightly higher voice asked.

He then noticed a giant purple plant that appeared to be waving and beckoning to him from the third shelf. He approached it and it spoke to him in a soft voice that sounded almost like that of one chewing gum.

"Like, hi! I think you're totally super cute!" the hydrangea spoke, as the sound of a bubble being blown and popped.

The man looked around, wondering if the purple plant was referring to him.

"Are you talking to me?" the deeper voice asked, pointing to himself.

"Like, duh!" the plant responded. "My name is Princess Aphrodite Amelia of the Glitter! I love butterflies and rainbows!"

"Uh, okay? I'm Zetsu. I guess I like butterflies…" he blushed.

"We're like totally soulmates! I love you!"

Zetsu fainted, landing with an ungraceful crash onto the floor.

"Oh, dear. I like totally scared him!"

* * *

"Would you like to join Akatsuki?" Sasori spoke to Kankuro, managing to pull the seething blonde off of him.

"What's Akatsuki? It sounds tasty!" Kankuro shouted.

The blonde covered his ears. "Quit yelling. I need these ears for sculpting!"

Sasori looked at him confused. "…Anyway, we're an evil organization bent on world domination and power. We work five days a week, excluding Arbor Day and Hanukkah.

Kankuro looked torn. "Do you have cupcakes?"

"Uhh, of course! And cookies too." Sasori answered, shooting the blonde a look to keep him quiet.

"I'll join!" Kankuro shouted.

"Excellent…excellent." Sasori rubbed his hands together evilly. "Mwahahaha!"

"I found a paint color I like!" the blonde said, holding a macaroni and cheese orange up.

Sasori stared at it. "That will do. Sir Leader does eat macaroni and cheese on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He will probably like it."

Thus, the two artists pranced off, Kankuro in tow.

"Let's find Zetsu and get the hell out of here!" the blonde shouted.

* * *

An hour and five employees later, Temari finally found the nails she was looking for.

"Where have my idiotic brothers gone?" she asked herself, checking every aisle. She finally found Gaara sitting in the front of the store, drilling unsuspecting passerbys with his pile of power tools.

"Where did all of these come from!?" his sister shrieked.

"Ransom." Came his monotonous reply.

Temari sighed. "Have you seen Kankruo?" She asked him.

"Yes, he left quite a while ago with a blonde, redhead, and a man hugging a hydrangea bush. He must have thought they were us."

"Well, I guess he'll figure it out eventually." she sighed. "Let's got home, I don't want to miss the newest episode of Iron Chef."


	6. The Sand Siblings Go to a Theme Park

Chapter 6- The Sand Siblings Go to a Theme Park

Temari and Gaara sat restlessly at their kitchen table, waiting for the third sibling to make his appearance from his room.

"Kankuro, you've been getting ready for an hour now! Even I don't take that long!" the female shrieked, having gotten up from the table and was now standing at the bottom of the stairway.

The puppet master huffed audibly and stepped out from his room. He was sporting a black cloak with red clouds, a straw hat, and a smirk.

"Gosh, Temari! I was trying to work on my evil appearance. I want to be cool like Sasori-sama." He whined.

She rolled her eyes. "Konoha's theme park opens in three hours. I want to be there before the buses arrive with hordes of whiny children."

Gaara stared at his brother in contemplation. "The red on the cloak and your purple face paint clash. I recommend using green instead. They're complimentary colors," He said matter of factly.

Kankuro whipped out a face mirror from one of the hidden pockets of his cloak and looked in horror at his reflection. Temari glared at them.

"Gaara, you really shouldn't have told him that. Now we'll have to stop at Sand Mart on the way for new makeup."

And with that, the three siblings departed their home in Suna and began their long and arduous journey.

* * *

A few hours and six tubes of green face paint later, the sand siblings arrived at the theme park.

"Woohoo! Theme pa-" Kankuro stopped himself. "I mean, mwahaha! I shall wreak havoc on the innocent children."

His brother stared at him. "Idiot, stop stealing my lines. I'm the emo, evil brother."

Temari dragged her siblings to the front gate, where Gaara procured three tickets for them though rather questionable methods.

"Alright! Let's meet at the Kyuubi Roller Coaster in four hours." Temari shouted, consulting her map.

"Fine." Gaara muttered, trying to decide which ride looked the scariest.

Temari grabbed Kankuro's hand. He pouted. "Temari. I'm not a baby. I won't get lost," He mumbled, trying to pull away.

"Let's find a nice ride for you." She smiled sweetly at him, holding his hand tighter.

Kankuro and Temari found the kiddie roller coaster and Kankuro face visibly paled. "That ride looks scary. I'm not going on alone." He insisted, looking in fear at the 10 foot drop.

"You'll be fine." She tried to drag him to the line, but he refused to move.

She caught sight of a man who was in line. "Excuse me, sir." Temari tapped him on the shoulder, "Would you mind sitting with my brother. He's afraid of the ride."

The man looked confused. "Uh, sure?"

"Great! I'm going to get some food Kankuro. Wait here until I get back." Her brother nodded mutely, too frightened to speak.

* * *

Gaara sat in the front row of the biggest roller coaster in the theme park. The person next to him was a blonde haired kid with weird whisker marks on his face. Gaara wondered if something scratched him or if he was born a freak.

"This ride is so much fun, dattebayo!" The kid shouted, waving his hands around as the ride began.

Gaara glared at him. "Shut up or I'll kill you; I haven't had blood in a long time."

The blonde looked mildly concerned. As the ride continued, Gaara found it to be very dull, yawning as they began their descent down the first drop.

"Wooohoooo!" The boy seated next to him trying to look cool.

Gaara then decided, as he covered his ears, it was going to be a very long two minutes.

* * *

Temari sat at the food court, happily eating a chocolate ice cream. It was hot out, and she was getting annoyed at the chocolate covering her hands. She got up to get a couple napkins, but she found her ice cream gone when she returned.

"What the hell!?" she shrieked, glaring accusingly at the other people. "Who stole my ice cream?"

She then noticed a small, fat boy with chocolate smeared all over his face and an empty ice cream cup. Her eyes narrowed as she approached him.

"Buy me a new ice cream brat!" She shrieked, hands on her hips.

He began to wail and ran off. Temari looked dejectedly at her empty cup and sighed. Maybe she should check on Kankuro.

When Temari arrived at the kiddie roller coaster, she was met with the sight of her brother getting made fun of by the other children.

"You're a big sissy!" one of the boys yelled, laughing at Kankuro. "You were screaming like a little girl!"

Kankuro shifted slightly. "Was not!"

Temari grabbed her brother and pulled him away before he had the chance to cause a fight that he was sure to lose.

"Let's find Gaara," she attempted to soothe her brother by patting his shoulder, "I'm sure he would love to go on some fun rides with you."

* * *

After getting lost and asking an employee for help, they managed to find the Kyuubi roller coaster. They wandered into the booth to purchase photographs and were met with a crowd of screaming people running from the ride.

Temari frowned as Kankuro looked dejected, staring at the floor and mumbling to himself about failing Sasori.

The two of them approached the employees at the counter. "What's going on here?" Temari questioned and the employee, whose hair looked suspiciously like a pineapple, balked.

"Uhh, you see… We experienced a bit of a technical difficulty with the ride. Take a look at this picture."

He showed her an image of what appeared to be a blonde boy suffocating from a sand coffin as a redhead drank blood from a sippy cup, grinning at the camera and flashing a peace sign with two fingers.

"Oh dear. There goes our alliance with Konoha."

Thus, the trio of a furious Temari, a dejected Kankuro, and an estatic Gaara was forcibly removed from the theme park after being subjected to an evening of interrogation by the Hokage.


	7. The Sand Siblings See New Moon

Co-written by the lovely and talented Dangotastic and I believe one line by Katie! The product of the randomness of 4th period lunch.

Yes, please flame if you love Twilight. This is making fun of it! Flames make my life :3

The Sand-Siblings See New Moon

"OMG!11!11" the chorus of tween girls shrieked.

The Sand Siblings were at the Local Sand Cinemas to see the New Moon movie. Gaara stood with his arms folded in an attempt to cover the "Team Edward" emblazoned on the shirt Temari had forced the trio to wear.

"But I'm Team Jacob!" a distraught Kankuro whined.

His sister rolled her eyes at the antics of her unappreciative brothers. "I spent months counting down the seconds until this day! You will not ruin it for me!" she was hysterical by the end of this. Her sparkly face paint was reflecting light from the street lamps.

"Ouch my eyes!" a random man complained as the light reflected from Temari temporarily blinded him.

Kankuro began to delve into an enormous tub of delectable popcorn to eat away his pain.

"Next please." An annoyed voice called to them. Temari bolted forward as the ticket lady rolled her eyes.

"Three for New Moon please!" Kankuro screamed, spraying popcorn bits everywhere.

The lady looked disgusted as she slid them the tickets.

"Can we go now?" Gaara asked in monotone. "I'm missing the newest episode of 'Dancing with the Stars.'"

He received no response as he was mobbed by a crowd of pre-pubescent teenage girls and two overweight, middle-aged housewives upon entering the theatre.

"Oh my Edward!!11 You look just like a vampire!"

"Take off your shirt so I can see your sparkly Adonis chest!111"

"Can I squeeze your cheeks?"

"Excuse me?" Gaara narrowed his eyes dangerously.

"You look just like that handsome vampire Edward. I wish I had married him instead of my husband!! What kind of mascara do you use?" One of the obese housewives asked eagerly.

Temari and Kankuro looked mildly disturbed and watched with disinterest as Gaara sand-coffined the squealing fans.

"Gaara, you got blood on my popcorn!" Kankuro whined, staring sadly at his blood soaked snack.

His brother grabbed a handful and popped it in his mouth. "Needs more salt." He commented dryly.

"We don't have time for the nonsense!" Temari growled as she dragged them to the man taking tickets.

"Theatre number four." The pimply man said in a bored tone.

Temari squealed and sprinted down the long hallway, her brother still being dragged behind her.

Upon entering the crowded theatre, the trio noticed that there were almost no seats available. One seat was in the middle of a section filled with shouting ten to twelve year olds, the other in a section of old women complaining loudly that they required prune juice and some pudding.

"Aww!" Temari whined, "There's only two seats left! What are we gonna do?"

"We could go home." Gaara suggested hopefully.

"NEVER!" His sister roared, causing Kankuro to scream in surprise. "We are going to have fun family time and you are going to like it.

Gaara found himself wedged between two screaming girls waiting for the movie to start.

One of them, who was examining him, screamed and tackled him.

"Like, OMG, vampire!!!111" she articulated.

Gaara looked frightened. "Not again!" He wailed to the ceiling of the theatre.

An elderly couple in front of him turned around. "Shut your trap! I'm trying to watch the movie!" the old woman berated him.

"Young whippersnapper!" Her elderly husband grumbled, taking his blood pressure.

Kankuro, who was seated between two other old ladies, squealed with excitement as the main titles began.

He turned to the one on his left, who was wearing a bright pink bonnet, "This is my favorite book series ever!"

She tittered loudly and whispered, "Edward is so foxy!"

"Oh, I know!" Kankuro gushed, "But I'm Team Jacob."

"Oh." She snapped, turning from him and chatting with her companion.

Temari frowned, shifting in her seat on the aisle to get a better view. Someone spilled popcorn on her head.

She looked up to yell at the man and stopped when she got a good look at his face.

"Hey! You're Akatsuki!" she pointed wildly.

He nervously combed his fingers through his long, blonde bangs.

"No I'm not! I'm just a random person here to see the artistic special effects, un."  
"What special effects?" The red haired man with him asked sarcastically. "This movie is about as creative as oatmeal."  
Temari gasped. "But Edward is so sexy!"

"So?"

"You're just jealous because Bella is prettier than you." She retorted.

He quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah, okay."

Temari opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by the opening lines of the movie. The theatre let out a collective scream as Edward's face appeared on the screen.

"Marry me!!!111!!1" A random girl screamed before she fainted.

The old Bella on the screen was being groped by a sparkling "Vampire".

"See, Edward does like older women!" the older woman sitting next to Kankuro shrieked.

Halfway into the movie, Gaara was awoken from his nap by the pre-teen with pigtails poking his cheek.

"What the hell? Get out of my face." He growled.

She giggled in reply. "Oh, Edward. I wanted to see if your face was cold like marble."  
On the screen, Bella was lying on her bed "screaming".

"Hey, that's like Gaara when he doesn't have his eyeliner!" Kankuro shouted happily.

Temari was gazing raptly at the screen, swooning whenever subconscious dream Edward made an appearance.

Sasori looked concerned. "That girl is schizophrenic. She needs psychiatric help."

She gasped. "But…..but….."

Sasori put up a hand to quiet her. Putting on some professional glasses, he pulled out a clipboard and pen. "Und how do you feel about zat?" he asked, donning a German accent.

She frowned. "I feel so depressed. I want Edward to love me!" She began to wail.

The other moviegoers looked on with interest.

"Mommy, mommy! Look at the crazy woman!" a young girl pointed to Temari.

"That's not a crazy woman, that's a crazy girl!" The mother corrected. "Somebody call the orderlies!"

On cue, men in white coats marched in, grabbing screaming fangirls as they foamed at the mouth and shrieked for Edward to save them.

* * *

A few hours later, the Sand Siblings sat around the TV watching the news.

"And now, breaking news. The Twilight series has been outlawed because of its promoting of schizophrenia, obsessive behavior, suicidal tendencies, and mutant babies. Oh, and because it sucks."

Temari began to shout in despair. "Oh noes!!!11111111 Edward!!!111!!!!1111!!11"

Gaara smirked.


End file.
